I can't believe I am writing this: but here it goes: I have just ended the worst boyfriend experience, of my life!! DUE TO the fact he (this stupid slight of a man) has an incredible narcissistic self-centered sociopathic personality; B U T, B e C A USE He IS A MAN, he is able to create a persona and drama in which to manipulate my person into a slight of two characters: the mama, and llama. I say llama because I feel like I am two faced in my approach to him, but only now do I realize; he is the split of two. I A M whole he is not. He is a broken boy/infant, who believes that what lay between his legs is something I worship as a woman. When in truth, I have found my experience as a woman to be of absolute crap@!?* I am in the middle of my life, and I can truthfully say I have yet to meet a man who is contented within himself as a whole. A man who is completely whole, not broken into a dualistic nature of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I am amazed at how my sex is treated with regard to the masculine. This man, I was involved with for over 3 years was so manipulative and self-centered that he used a pathological "woe is me nature" to attract my first attention. His "peaceful attainment" to his position in which life created for him was a sham to pry on my gentle compassionate and generous nature to his benefit. What concern was it of his what his need physically looked like & played out on my life?!? Right?!/ I was not his responsibility. So what if his need (which always happened- he was/is/ the center of attention at all times.) super ceded my own, or that of my child's -what did that matter to him? That is my problem, not his. { This hidden beast that exists within this man lay in such darkness, that even his best friend had no idea what he was like with me. He chooses to be that much of a mystery. A cloak & dagger.}
FUCK YOU. I AM TIRED OF BEING A WOMAN AND HAVING TO SPEND A GOOD 80-99% OF MY TIME ON STROKING THE MALE EGO. YOU DO NOT OWN MY ACTIONS, HOWEVER YOU MAY CHOOSE TO BOSS THEM CONTROL, THEM USE, MANIPULATE THEM TO YOUR BENEFIT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CREATE, THEREFORE YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR LIFE, I NEED NOT EVER LISTEN TO YOU EVER AGAIN. FOR EVERY THING THAT SPEWS FROM EACH OF YOUR ORIFICES IS ACIDIC LIMP AND LIFELESS. YOUR ARE LIVING A DEATH . EACH AND EVERY MOMENT YOU CONTINUE TO CHOOSE A LIFELESS PATHLESS EVOLUTION, DESTINED AS A BLACK SMUDGE UPON THE EARTH, YOU WILL DECOMPOSE AND ROT AWAY TIL THE END. ENJOY YOUR EVERY MOMENT OF MISERY.
FOR TRUE CREATIVITY COMES FROM THE FEMININE. AND THAT MY FRIEND YOU CAN NEVER HAVE UNDERSTAND OR CONTROL FOR IT COMES FROM AND EXISTS COMPLETELY WITHIN.
HAHA. I WIN.
